Ramblings

 

Just had a great conversation going on in my head about friends and friendships and me. I kinda always knew I was a loner. But how can you be a loner if you’ve never actually ever been alone. Since as far back as I can remember and I usually can remember a ways back. I’ve actually been alone, there’ve usually been a ton of friends hanging around. Now don’t ask me why since I can’t remember actively recruiting or even inviting these people near me. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know this sounds a tad dismissive maybe even a little egotistical. Believe me I know and my wife reminds me on a daily basis. That I seem to think the world revolves around me. I know it doesn’t it just seems that way. So I continue on in my own delusions quite well, thank you.

But this isn’t even the reason I started this narrative. I started because I woke up at 2am and as I lay there in the dark the thought hit me. I have way more friends than I can justify. Also I am in most cases unable to tell you where I met some of them. I cannot tell you why we became friends or why we remain friends to this day. Based on the way I know I am, I am extremely surprised that I even have friends. I am somewhat anti social. I also tend to tell people things about themselves that might not be appreciated. So why is it that these people are drawn to me and why do they remain here. Truthfully, I don’t really even consider myself a good friend. If I was my friend I would have dropped me years ago. Yet they have remained here. Is it that my friends are losers? Can they not find more interesting people to hang around. Am I the pinnacle, the crème de la crème of the social circle.

Okay forget about justifying the amount of friends I have. I just realized my friends are idiots. They have to be. To stick around me after all these years of my own admittedly being not the greatest friend.

Well here’s to you my circle of trusted fools I love you all.

Back to my rambling. I really started to write this because, I have never truly told people anything. To say I play my cards close to the vest would be an understatement. I am absolutely horrible at opening up and telling people stuff. Like the day I was coming to America I told no one. Absolutely no one. My friends went to my house for months looking for me before they knew I was gone. Sorry guys, and yes that’s as close as anyone of you will ever come to an apology so deal with it. Talk about the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing. In my case the right hand doesn’t even know what it’s doing until after I’ve done it.

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